Dreams Are Weird, Yo!

Where do i start? Things have been changing at work and I’ve had a feeling for a while now that my boss would not survive the changes. A couple of days ago he confirmed he was leaving and the official announcement was made yesterday. He will be leaving at the end of the month. Because he is a wonderful man (the best boss I’ve ever had), he told them they have to take care of me. I never thought I would get fired in all the shuffling going on here (because they aren’t so dumb that they would let a good assistant go), but I am sure the coming changes will not be the best for me.

So I spoke with HR and while they don’t know where I’m going to land, there are many options and they will make a decision soon. Note “they will make a decision” not “I” not “we.” So I really have very little say in where I end up here and I, unfortunately, am not expecting the best. Limbo sucks.

Last night I woke up around midnight. I was having a terrible nightmare and had to force myself to wake up. I wear earplugs to bed because Hubz snores really loudly and the sensory deprivation tends to cause extremely vivid dreams. They are so vivid that I usually fall right back into them after waking. So vivid that I remember much more detail than one normally remembers hours after waking. This was one of those dreams and it was so bad that I had to make myself stay awake for a bit so as not to go back to that place.

It started innocently enough: Me and my boss went out for drinks. As we parted ways I guess I took a wrong turn and ended up in a dark, wet, cobblestone alley (think Jack the Ripper). As I’m trying to walk faster to get out of the alley suddenly the ground turns into a very steep incline. So steep that I have to use my hands and start climbing out. Next thing I know, I’m jumping off the top of a wall into one of those gated circular driveways in front of a huge, white stone house. The type of house in Scarface or another gangster/drug dealer movie.

I am spotted and the guards are told to get me. I don’t know why, but I get the feeling the big boss wants me. So I try to run. I’m back on a dark, wet confusing street/alley being chased by men with guns. Things get confusing here, but I remember several attempts to inject me with some sort of drug. It’s around this time that I force myself awake.

I’m not sure if he woke up to pee or if I woke him, but my husband is now awake and worried about me. His attempts to comfort me aren’t working and may be making me feel worse. He let me turn on the TV  but I went into the living room and cried for about 5 minutes before getting back into bed to watch a rerun of Friends. The crying wasn’t about the dream, but about the real life circumstances that brought about this bizarre and scary dream.

The human mind really is an amazing thing. I could (can) clearly relate the fears from the dream to the fears I’m having about work and my life. Being chased by a group I don’t want to be a part of. Being forced to take drugs that I don’t want to take (not literally, but in a “drinking the Kool-Aid” sense). No knowing where I am or where I’m going. Fear.

I’m sure everything will eventually work out on the work front, but I had to write this down before I lost it. I’m hoping by giving it away (posting it for others – strangers & friends – to read) some of these bad feelings will leave me and bring back the confidence and strength I need to get through this difficult transition.

OK, making myself sad again so I’ll sign off.

Thanks for reading,

-s

Apparently I’m Boring!

So, my mother has taken to telling me how boring I am when we talk on the phone (we have this exact conversation at least once a week).

Mom: what’s new?

Me: Nothing

Mom: Nothing? You’re so boring!

Since I’m not pregnant and therefore still childless I really don’t have much going on (not to imply that only parents or those who wish to be parents have anything going on). I’m trying not to write about trying to get pregnant mostly because I feel like I’m telling the world that I’m having sex with my husband. And that’s just ewwww.

I work a 9-5 job. I like my job, but I’m just an Executive Assistant and not wanting to get “Dooced” I can’t really go into much detail about it.  Seriously (sadly?) the most interesting thing I have going on are these bizzare dreams I’ve been having. So I guess all I can do is subject my zero readers to as much of my crazy dreams as I can remember…but the day I started writing this post they started getting really boring and I stopped recalling as much detail! UGH!

I guess I AM boring – even my subconscious.

Freaky Dreams

Hubby snores. Not normal rhythmic occasional snoring, but wall shaking wake the dead snoring. For the past few years I’ve slept with one ear plug and the other ear tightly against my pillow. Annoying, but used to do the trick. Lately it’s been SO much worse that I’ve had to sleep with two earplugs in. I don’t like it. I can’t hear my alarm clock and the extreme quiet makes my Tinnitus act up.

We’ve made some recent lifestyle changes mostly to be healthier, but also to help our chances with the whole starting a family thing. One of the outcomes of these changes has been super vivid dreams. Like crazy vivid dreams that I can remember for days. I don’t remember this ever happening to me before so I can only attribute it to the recent, um, habits we’ve given up.

Combine the new vivid dreams with the sensory deprivation of wearing two earplugs and it gets really intense! In recent weeks I had a zombie nightmare that shook me so bad I actually had to wake up and watch TV for an hour so I didn’t go back into the same dream. Before that I had this odd dream that took place at my BFF”s Catholic church where they were doing a Passover celebration and my mom was the “token Jew” who told the story of Passover to the congregation then ran around handing out matzo chips with Charoset and horseradish. Then the other night I had a vampire dream that was such an epic visual saga that I swear the thing had end credits just before I woke up!

The vampire dream was actually pretty cool. I don’t remember so much of it now, a few days later, but I remember most of my friends were there helping to battle evil vampires and, like I said, it was pretty epic. I specifically remember two things: My oldest and dearest friend who I’ve recently reconnected with was there looking ethereal and beautiful and rode in to help save the day (driving a flying bus carrying other dearly missed friends…OMG! Maybe I’m just going crazy!). And a friend who has recently passed away in real life was there in a moment I can never forget. We’re climbing a hill trying to beat back the vamps (with swords, don’t ask…it was a dream!) when in the distance I hear the clanging of swords and I look over to see Paul with a little blond boy on his shoulders. The boy is weilding a huge sword and holding his own against a big vampire. And this tiny little boy beheads the vamp with a giant flourish and they come running up the hill to join the rest of us in battle.

I know it’s hard for you to visualize the insanity in my brain, but it was something and I had to share (with my zero readers).

I wish I could write a screenplay as good as that dream!

-S