Dreams Are Weird, Yo!

Where do i start? Things have been changing at work and I’ve had a feeling for a while now that my boss would not survive the changes. A couple of days ago he confirmed he was leaving and the official announcement was made yesterday. He will be leaving at the end of the month. Because he is a wonderful man (the best boss I’ve ever had), he told them they have to take care of me. I never thought I would get fired in all the shuffling going on here (because they aren’t so dumb that they would let a good assistant go), but I am sure the coming changes will not be the best for me.

So I spoke with HR and while they don’t know where I’m going to land, there are many options and they will make a decision soon. Note “they will make a decision” not “I” not “we.” So I really have very little say in where I end up here and I, unfortunately, am not expecting the best. Limbo sucks.

Last night I woke up around midnight. I was having a terrible nightmare and had to force myself to wake up. I wear earplugs to bed because Hubz snores really loudly and the sensory deprivation tends to cause extremely vivid dreams. They are so vivid that I usually fall right back into them after waking. So vivid that I remember much more detail than one normally remembers hours after waking. This was one of those dreams and it was so bad that I had to make myself stay awake for a bit so as not to go back to that place.

It started innocently enough: Me and my boss went out for drinks. As we parted ways I guess I took a wrong turn and ended up in a dark, wet, cobblestone alley (think Jack the Ripper). As I’m trying to walk faster to get out of the alley suddenly the ground turns into a very steep incline. So steep that I have to use my hands and start climbing out. Next thing I know, I’m jumping off the top of a wall into one of those gated circular driveways in front of a huge, white stone house. The type of house in Scarface or another gangster/drug dealer movie.

I am spotted and the guards are told to get me. I don’t know why, but I get the feeling the big boss wants me. So I try to run. I’m back on a dark, wet confusing street/alley being chased by men with guns. Things get confusing here, but I remember several attempts to inject me with some sort of drug. It’s around this time that I force myself awake.

I’m not sure if he woke up to pee or if I woke him, but my husband is now awake and worried about me. His attempts to comfort me aren’t working and may be making me feel worse. He let me turn on the TV  but I went into the living room and cried for about 5 minutes before getting back into bed to watch a rerun of Friends. The crying wasn’t about the dream, but about the real life circumstances that brought about this bizarre and scary dream.

The human mind really is an amazing thing. I could (can) clearly relate the fears from the dream to the fears I’m having about work and my life. Being chased by a group I don’t want to be a part of. Being forced to take drugs that I don’t want to take (not literally, but in a “drinking the Kool-Aid” sense). No knowing where I am or where I’m going. Fear.

I’m sure everything will eventually work out on the work front, but I had to write this down before I lost it. I’m hoping by giving it away (posting it for others – strangers & friends – to read) some of these bad feelings will leave me and bring back the confidence and strength I need to get through this difficult transition.

OK, making myself sad again so I’ll sign off.

Thanks for reading,

-s